Raising A Special Needs Child

This was written by my wonderful husband, Lonnie! He wrote it as his first essay in his Composition I class. I had to convince him to let me post it but he finally gave me permission. For others this may not seem like that big of a deal but to me, I had to hold back my tears. I always post about my feelings of raising Noah but Lonnie never does. So for me to read my husband expressing feelings I feel is incredible. I feel we make up a great team <3


One may have come across a screaming child in the store and it appears as if the parent has no clue what is going on. This happens frequently: a child is screaming, biting their parent or even blurting foul language. This child may appear perfectly normal on first glance. One could assume the parents are neglectful, embarrassed, or even afraid to discipline their child in front of viewing eyes. I tend to wonder what others say about me as I walk through the aisles acquiring food for the following week. The only difference my child has from the others is that he is not using his inside voice. Instead my son is yelling as he communicates to me from a foot away. As some might view this as a struggle, this is simply my normal daily life! I’ve learned to love regardless of the violent outbursts, sleepless nights, offensive language, spitting, and psychotic symptoms. It is almost as if one would question my parenting skills. Unfortunately for me, this is the judgment I have to endure on a daily basis. 

The reason it is difficult to observe disruptive behavior from a young child is mostly due to awareness. I’ve realized that over the years of parenting experience is that we rarely think about what may be occurring in others’ lives and focus more on what we are accustomed to in society. One could assume that there are plenty of incidents of children behaving badly due to irresponsible parenting and no accountability for their actions. We observe this every day and it almost becomes second nature. However, the thing we fail to realize is that the stereotype is so common that we are not willing to open our minds to the possibility that it may not be the child nor the parent’s fault but simply a genetic flaw. A missing chromosome does wonders to the mind and body, and it happens more than most realize. As awareness progresses through technology and social media, we slowly piece together the puzzle to the overall idea. This idea being that after the dust settles from the obstacles that blind us, we start to realize that the stigma has always been there and it’s easily interpreted.

When you think of special needs the first thing you may think of is indifference. I have experienced others who have referred to special needs as uneducated individuals who are incapable of accomplishing daily activities without the support of others. This is unfortunately the sad truth you will see every day: the value of oneself based on a label. What we do not understand is that there are a wide range of diagnoses to be wedged into this mild learning. The great thing about the mind is when something is missing another counterpart is amplified. The brain uses its strong points to protect its weaknesses, and then a new way of thought is developed. My child has the ability to imagine sequences through objects, has the understanding of patterns in which his creative mind allows him to build replicas of what he has seen, and the ability to memorize a multitude of key characteristics in a fictional superhero and relay it repetitively. My son, however, does not acquire the ability to tie his shoes regardless of how many times he does it, facilitate in a group of children larger than five, nor can he communicate in a level equivalent to his age. These challenges may not be the same challenges another parent may face; however, we all have challenges in our lives, and we all learn how to improve our way of life through overcoming these challenges.

My challenge is rather simple although it is often followed by others expressing their condolences and sympathy. My challenge is to ensure my child lives a full and happy life without limitations due to his disabilities, without struggles that can be prevented with the use of knowledge and understanding, and without fear of discrimination. Every day is a research paper for me and finding out more information to make it easier on my child to experience a typical childhood of laughter and playfulness. Whether it is finding schools that understand how to diffuse his disruptive and aggressive emotions without interrupting his academic progress, locating a dietary plan that supplements his needs to function calmly without unnecessary additives, or going to endless amounts of doctor and therapy appointments, every day is a challenge. Raising a special needs child is all about knowing you can make a difference in a child’s life out of respect, unconditional love, and patience. Perhaps my challenges are no different from the next parent’s challenges; perhaps it is possible we are just looking at it from a different angle.

Our lives consist of factual information and what we believe to be true. These two aspects can conflict with each other which can make it difficult to relate to another who might not be in the same situation as you. As life progresses what I have written will become clearer and the awareness will continue to expand throughout technology and the world. The information will be more relevant and accessible, perhaps even taught in local schools around the United States. The outcome will be beneficial and stigma will hopefully be erased. A parent should be able to go into a public setting with their special needs child and not have to worry about the judgment others are passing for special needs is just simply that: someone special to you. Instead of automatically criticizing or judging the parent, make the decision that will help end the negativity which stigma brings. The next time you go into a store and see a screaming child I hope you think twice before assuming the worst. Perhaps you will see someone like me, you may even have more compassion, or perhaps you will share a smile as you walk by. I will share a smile right back because as I know today is no different as this is my normal daily life raising a special needs child.